I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
