at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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