her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
