I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
