Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
