Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
