well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
