So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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