I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize