she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
