Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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