Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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