I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
