If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
