Yo dont text me then not text me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
