nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
