Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
