More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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