remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
