i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
