I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Two words: blizzard sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
