Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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