...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
