what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
