I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
