I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
