Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
