Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize