omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
