grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
