I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
