I think I won the penis lottery.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
