ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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