I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
