big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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