i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
