we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
