His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize