did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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