I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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