drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sober January is a disaster.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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