bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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