Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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