Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
