Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize