hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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