nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Still dying that you shit outside
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
