no, he came in my armpit
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
