your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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