Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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