help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
