the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
