just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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