Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
