Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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