The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
