I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
