If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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