It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize