If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
