I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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