She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
