dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had sex on a roof
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
