he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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