i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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