I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
