Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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