Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
