This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
