mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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