He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
