Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
