Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
