I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
