So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
