I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize