Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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