Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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