I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
