That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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