she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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