wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
