WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
