if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the day after is always just damage control
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
