His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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