Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
