3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
