My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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