it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
