Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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