Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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