I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize