I am in a vortex of obligation.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
