Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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