I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
