billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
