if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize