george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
