I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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