haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think i have two assholes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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