My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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