Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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