I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
