"it" just moved
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
