guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
