Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
