can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
